BY KAREN WEBB

I would love to do ads for the voters of Delaware in response to Christine O’Donnell’s latest ad.

“I am not a witch, I am, Sarah Palin, a human with the brain of a rodent created by secret creation scientists in the Intelligent Design Lab at the Heritage foundation.”

Or …

“I’m Christine O’Donnell because she IS me. She has promised to do what I would do if I were elected, which would be to introduce myself at the GOP caucus by slapping Mitch McConnell and then kicking John Boehner into the Potomac.”

Or, do a little ditty like the judge in “What’s Up Doc.” …

O’Donnell: “I am you.”

Me: “You are me?”

O’Donnell: “I AM you.”

Me: “Am I you?”

O’Donnell: “No, you are the tooth fairy.”

Or beginning with a senior citizen …

“Christine is me and she is going to fix the donut hole in my prescription insurance with Mitch McConnell’s retirement account.”

Or use a lesbian and her partner …

“Christine O’Donnell is both of us and when she gets to DC she is going to marry Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin in the first ever fundamentalist Mormon double celestial lesbian union.”

Or …

We used to play a game in the car where each person thinks of an item and then in turn they say what they are going to do with their item when they get to California or in this case DC and everyone has to repeat it with their item.

Examples:

Delaware Voter #1: Christine O’Donnell is me and I would go to DC with the Bush tax cuts.

#2 Christine O. is me and I would I go to DC with a mouse brain.

#3 Christine O. is me and I would go to DC with a picnic basket full of meatballs.

#4 Christine O. is me and I would go to DC with a foot of barbed wire.

Go …

#1 When Christine O’Donnell gets to DC, as me, she is going to pound those Bush tax cuts down McConnell’s throat with the Senate gavel.

#2 When Christine O., as me, gets to DC she is going to pound that mouse brain down McConnell’s throat with the Senate gavel.

#3 When Chris O., as me, gets to DC she is going to pound a basket full of meatballs down McConnell’s throat with the Senate gavel.

#4 When she gets to DC, as me, she is going to pound a foot of barbed wire down McConnell’s throat with the Senate gavel.

Then,

Then each in turn will replace whatever they are going to have Christine take for them to DC and put it in John Boehner’s empty head.

When she gets to DC, as me, she will have the wizard insert the mouse brain into the vacant hole in John Boehner’s head.

When Chris gets to DC, as me, she is going to have a midnight picnic of those meatballs with Jim DeMint on the altar in the prayer room of the C-street rooming house of Sen./Dr. Tom Coburn after they march around the room doing the Hari Krishna Maha Mantra.

Then each repeats in turn.

Finally,

When Christine O. gets to DC, as me, she is going to flagellate each of the GOP leadership with that foot of barbed wire until they all wish they were being waterboarded by the Stonewall Democrats.

And so on.

I guarantee you that Christine O’Donnell isn’t me and wouldn’t do what I would in DC, if she were held at gunpoint and forced her to masturbate in the Rotunda.

– Karen Webb lives in Moore, OK and is a regular contributor to The Oklahoma Observer