To Comfort The Afflicted
And Afflict The Comfortable

To Comfort The Afflicted And Afflict The Comfortable

Monday, July 22, 2024


A Modest Proposal


State employees in the classroom?

Brilliant Kevin. Just brilliant. But why stop there?

We’re short corrections officers down here at our two Lexington prisons so why don’t we swap a few of the ones we do have for a bunch of graduate assistants at OU – say, one CO for two GAs – because everybody knows anybody can teach a classroom full of freshmen college students and, as an extra bonus, probably most of the grad assistants are younger and in better shape that our corrections corps.

And while I’m at it, Kevin, how about since everybody has proven most anybody can give a shot, but we’re short on ICU nurses, we could do at least a four-for-one swap there and since most of the ICU patients are unconscious, or worse thanks to you, nobody will know the difference.

One other big trade comes to my mind, governor. See what you think about this one.

My pals over at Sonny’s Cafe in Purcell all love you; they are big OSU fans because they mostly claim to be farmers, but all I see them do is drink coffee three times a day where they do talk about farming; so I think they are perfectly suited as a group to replace everybody in your current cabinet, who from what I’m told are also mostly big OSU fans, drink coffee almost all day long and also like to talk about farming. My guys, and they are almost all white guys, just like your cabinet appointees, will work for a whole lot less than your current team, and won’t come in much more than a couple days a week, which is also a fit.

And I’ve even figured out what to do with your cabinet guys, thanks to Education Secretary Walters who, as you know, became a substitute teacher within 30 minutes the other day since he wasn’t doing anything at all that day since there wasn’t a cabinet meeting with you because you don’t like to have those things.

In summary here is my plan: GAs will become corrections officers; COs will teach college freshmen and women; people who give shots will become nurses for the day or week or year and we have too many people giving shots anyway because your fans don’t take ‘em; and finally my buds at Sonny’s will become cabinet members and your cabinet guys will become substitute teachers for substitute teachers, because everybody knows anybody can teach because they are just babysitters.

I think that sums things up.

You’re welcome.

Cal Hobson
Cal Hobson
Cal Hobson, a Lexington Democrat, served in the Oklahoma Legislature from 1978-2006, including one term as Senate President Pro Tempore.