To Comfort The Afflicted
And Afflict The Comfortable

To Comfort The Afflicted And Afflict The Comfortable

Friday, June 24, 2022


Dumb And Dumber: Who’d A Thunk It?


I didn’t think it was possible to find two senators from another state who, put together, are even a greater embarrassment to their constituents than our two, by name The Jim’s, Inhofe and Lankford. But I bet some of you might agree after you hear more about my selections.

My nominees for the worst duo are: Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul of Kentucky for so many reasons so let’s take a look at a few.

First up, Mitch. When he was majority leader he might as well been an undertaker because all the important, progressive bills sent over from the House of Representatives ended up in a coffin underneath his desk and were never seen again.

Called a master of the Senate rules, he never forgot the most important one: when you are the majority leader of the party in charge, whatever you decide rules, whether it is right, wrong or unconstitutional.

Also [and this is mean toward McConnell] he has a face best for radio, a gravelly voice that makes me not want to listen, and an attitude toward the other party’s members like they and the citizens they represent don’t exist.

And he reveled in it, using and abusing the power knowing his seat from Kentucky coal country was safe for him to play like a tight fisted, fiscal hawk Republican in DC while he delivered pork by the slab to one of the most federally dependent states in the nation.

McConnell has been a force in Washington for decades, was re-elected in 2020 for another six-year term, is married to Elaine Chou, previous Transportation Secretary during the entire Trump Presidency, and now spends his time in the shadows, not just voting no but plotting how to return to the leadership position for all the wrong reasons.

After all, former two-term President Barack Obama had been in office less than three months when Mitch announced his main goal in life was simple: He would attempt to make America’s first Black president a one termer. He failed at that but it wasn’t for a lack of trying.

McConnell is the senior half of the Kentucky-two steppers so now let me introduce the junior jabberer from horse country: Sen. Horse’s Ass and Doctor Rand Paul, certified nut job son of even the whackier Congressman from Texas Ron Paul, a perennial presidential candidate and conspiracy theorist before being one was in vogue.

Like most medical doctors Rand is very smart and needs to show it everywhere he goes, including even in his own yard when he got in a tussle with a neighbor. Over nothing. He just has to show he’s right, always right and sometimes even far right.

His interrogations during senate hearings of a really knowledgeable medical doctor, Anthony Fauci, have not gone well with the Junior Paul basically calling Dr. Fauci a congenital liar, his data wrong and that Fauci wears protective masks just to show off. Even if that were true, which it isn’t, that’s better than Paul’s work of impersonating a senator since 2011 when first elected. He is anti-social, anti-science, anti-you and damn sure anti-me.

In other words a general prick.

Compare those performances with the work product of our Jim’s, Inhofe and Lankford. Lankford prays, Inhofe sleeps. Nothing wrong with either activity in its place but getting things done takes more than a wing and a prayer or in Inhofe’s case, two wings and a prayer by most of us that he’ll land on an active runway instead of an active highway.

Taken individually there are even worse senators. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin, a proven racist by his own words, or Old Baldy, Rick Scott of Florida, former farm hand Joanie Ernst of Iowa and sweet pea lady legislator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee all bring on an upset stomach … or worse.

Which leads me to my final question this morning: Where do the voters of the various states find these imposters? But more importantly why do they keep them, over and over, time and time again?

Speaking of that, I’ve got to go. Time to wake up James Mountain Inhofe because somebody’s got to do it but, Lord, why me? OK, that makes sense. It’s God’s punishment of me since I, too, was a career politician, but at least I never rode a plastic deer. Roped one? Sure, but that’s not illegal in Oklahoma yet – but the Legislature is still in session, so who knows? They do crazier things than that most everyday.

Speaking of, has anybody seen Big Foot recently? No, not Ralph Shortey. The other one.

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Cal Hobson
Cal Hobson
Cal Hobson, a Lexington Democrat, served in the Oklahoma Legislature from 1978-2006, including one term as Senate President Pro Tempore.