Attention OKC Residents:

Let me help you plan your next vacation to beautiful Guymon, Oklahoma!

Sincerely,

Frank Lucas

Congressman & Travel Agent for Panhandle Tours

One thing that both Republicans and Democrats agree upon: The once every 10-year census is an opportunity to make sure incumbent members of Congress are even safer politically come election time. A second benefit derives directly to voters. They find out it is almost impossible, using common sense and Google maps, to determine who their congress person is – and why would they want to know that anyway?

For example, under creative drawings released this week by the ace reapportionment team working from caves in the basement of The People’s Building, aka the state capitol, voters in south Oklahoma City now find out their new congressman will be Frank Lucas from Cheyenne, OK rather than their current one, Stephanie Bice, who lives a few miles north from them in Friday Land, also known as the Nichols Hills area of our state’s most populous county.

In fairness to our geographically challenged lawmakers, it is true that the majority population of south OKC is Hispanic while the city of Guymon reflects the same demographic characteristic. Perhaps that is the reason both locales are now under the fiefdom of farmer Frank who, if I pursue this logic even further, I may find he raises hogs, who are then prepared for market in slaughterhouses in the Panhandle and then shipped to grocery stores and diners in the Capitol Hill area where they are sold to Hispanic consumers in the form of bacon, ham and sausage.

Now that I understand the process of making both sausages and laws, I see the logic of our legislative leaders who have worked for over two years and spent millions of your tax dollars in creating our five, not so compact congressional districts.

From the beginning it was all about pork, politics and making sure our fearless five – Lucas, Cole, Mullin, Hern and Bice – keep their well paid jobs in Washington, DC.

Damn me! I should have figured that out in the first place.