BY RICHARD L. FRICKER

Oklahoma’s junior senator and adultery bagman Tom Coburn is fighting for his place in the GOP resistance to health care reform. He has taken it upon himself to scare senior citizens, for whom he has done nothing since his return to the Hill.

Coburn told seniors before the Senate camera that if reform passes, “you’re going to die sooner.” This has no basis in fact and could only be construed as an effort to scare usually moderate or conservative voters to rally around the GOP.

Like much of his rambling, Tom does raise a couple of questions. Sooner than what, Tom? Did you mean sooner that an elected official who has unlimited health care from brain surgery to hemorrhoids and hangnails at no personal costs. Did you mean we would die before that person?

Or perhaps, knowing your religious fervor and personal connection with deities it happens that you know the exact time each of us is slated to depart this dimension for further adventures. This would be useful information, especially when paying off credit card debt or buying thick books.

If Tom has such vital information wouldn’t a GOOD Christian share such, in order that each could make their peace before destined departure? Or is he withholding such information because it wouldn’t be fair to business if, for chance, someone knows they’re catching the big train, run up a lot of bills and poof – out of town, leaving business holding the debt bag.

Of course reform will do nothing to Medicare; that ground has been plowed several times. Sen. Tom just wanted to do his bit for the GOP, Big Pharma and fellow docs – who by the way do endorse parts of the reform measure.

The senator, like so many of his ilk has offered nothing in the way of improvements to a broken system.

Given Tom’s warning it seems we have few options other than to wait for the grim reaper. He did neglect to say how long we would live if reform fails to pass. Maybe, if it fails we all grab an extra decade or two, more time to annoy the kids.

I suppose many of Tom’s true believers will cower in the corner fearing that each creak on the floor is the reaper come to say, “Tom sent me! Health care passed! Saddle up bucko!”

There is another option if we’re all “going to die sooner” – gather up those Grateful Dead CD’s, roll a toke, grab a bottle of Boone’s Farm, call up that old squeeze, get nasty and party down?

– Richard L. Fricker lives in Tulsa, OK and is a regular contributor to The Oklahoma Observer