To Comfort The Afflicted
And Afflict The Comfortable

To Comfort The Afflicted And Afflict The Comfortable

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Observercast

Republicans, Defined

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BY KENNY BELFORD

As we approach the end of the comedy tour of the Republican primaries and debates, we can sum up in only a few points the defining position of that party as they prepare for the general election.

1. Our economy has serious problems, and we’re the best to fix them, since after all we’re the ones that caused them.

2. Let’s talk about vaginas, condoms, birth control pills, and why women shouldn’t be paid the same as dudes. Women aren’t qualified to have opinions on those things, just us guys. Besides, we think burkas are sexy.

3. Too damn many Americans have health insurance, and we promise to fix that and repeal the health care reform measure that was modeled after the plan our presumptive nominee first implemented while he was a governor.

4. Truth and facts are highly overrated.

5. Let’s go ahead and bomb Iran. The current president ended one needless war, and Halliburton and big oil companies need a replacement for all those no-bid contracts that have come to an end.

6. There isn’t a single good reason to end the temporary tax cuts for billionaires when we can make up the difference by raising taxes on the middle class and poor folks.

7. Wall Street doesn’t need to be regulated. It’s just needless regulations hindering the free market system we so revere. The honor system is enough to insure they’ll always do the right things.

8. Public education is just a cleaned-up term for “indoctrination.” Private schools or home schooling is so much better.

9. Our presumptive nominee knows a lot about jobs. He killed off tens of thousands of ‘em.

10. Social Security is for sissies. Our presumption nominee earns over $20 million a year just in interest. You should do the same.

Kenny Belford lives in Tulsa, OK and is a regular contributor to The Oklahoma Observer

 

1 COMMENT

  1. Kenny:

    Well said. I particularly like #5. The military industrial complex that Dwight Eisenhower warned against when he left office is beating the drums for another war. And if we let the PM of Israel lead us into it (some of his own country’s leaders aren’t in favor of it), Americans might actually take to the streets after 10+ years of war and the loss of too many good Americans not to say the billions that have been wasted. But don’t rule out the influence of war mongers like Saint John McCain aka Mr Hero and the hawks with all the stars on their shoulders. If these clowns want to go to war with Iran, let them lead the charge.

Arnold Hamilton
Arnold Hamilton became editor of The Observer in September 2006. Previously, he served nearly two decades as the Dallas Morning News’ Oklahoma Bureau chief. He also covered government and politics for the San Jose Mercury News, the Dallas Times Herald, the Tulsa Tribune and the Oklahoma Journal.