To Comfort The Afflicted
And Afflict The Comfortable

To Comfort The Afflicted And Afflict The Comfortable

Wednesday, August 4, 2021


The Vienna Sausage Brigade



It’s now official. Gov. Mary Fallin, winner of the “Sheeples’ Choice Award,” has now signed into law the open-carry bill.

It’s now legal, perhaps even socially acceptable, to get your six-shooter and boldly strap it on your hip before you head out for some errand running.

At least according to state Sen. Ralph Shortey, R-Oklahoma City, you’ll now have a much higher chance of survival when you encounter one of those wild turkeys he’s so afraid of.

The bill’s author, Sen. Anthony Sykes, R-Moore, said “the purpose of the measure was to have a well-regulated militia and support the right of the people to bear arms.”

So apparently we’re going to have a new militia patrolling our state. What should we call them?

The name of the other well-regulated militia, “The Oklahoma National Guard” is already taken.

The new militia needs a name, we can’t just call them “The Looney Wingnuts” – it’s not dignified or very intimidating.

Wait, I’ve got it! It’s perfect.

For all the under-endowed, ‘fraidy cats that will now show their stuff with their really big strapped on pistolas, let’s call them The Vienna Sausage Brigade.

As this new “well-regulated militia” assumes the responsibility to keep the rest of us non-pistola packing bratwurst dudes safe, we can all rest easier knowing that The Vienna Sausage Brigade has our back.

Kenny Belford lives in Tulsa, OK and is a regular contributor to The Oklahoma Observer


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Arnold Hamilton
Arnold Hamilton became editor of The Observer in September 2006. Previously, he served nearly two decades as the Dallas Morning News’ Oklahoma Bureau chief. He also covered government and politics for the San Jose Mercury News, the Dallas Times Herald, the Tulsa Tribune and the Oklahoma Journal.