To Comfort The Afflicted
And Afflict The Comfortable

To Comfort The Afflicted And Afflict The Comfortable

Thursday, July 18, 2024


What Is True Definition Of Marriage?



As a semi-professional musician I provided music at the same-gender marriage recently of two friends of mine, the latest ceremony of uncountable services I’ve played. I’m also a committed atheist and rather hard-boiled when it comes to asking for divine intervention, as well as the invention of sky-oriented deities for whatever reason. I support everyone’s private pursuit of their interests in accordance with the First Amendment as long as infringement of my own legally supported rights isn’t involved.

There was no doubt of the sincerity of the participants in this religious ceremony. There were prayers, vestments, and liturgy common to any other Christian denomination marriage ceremony. Had you been blindfolded and dropped into this touchingly simple outdoor service, uncoached and uninformed, you would not have been able to distinguish this wedding from the thousands being conducted in the rest of the country on any Saturday afternoon.

Jaded as I am about religion, I did get a little misty-eyed when the minister spoke of the hands being held by the two grooms. As these ceremonies of commitment go the hope is always for a devoted and determined future of mutual and exclusive support through a lifetime of as many years of life as our genetic destiny will give us. He described these hands as they are now, young and strong, brushing away tears of joy and sorrow, touching in moments of intimacy, and when old and wrinkled they will still be the hands we want touching us in times of need.

I view myself as a married man with a partner of 32 years, and I can identify with the sentiments and intentions the minister outlined in his sermon. By what fiat of bigoted ignorance can anyone deny me and millions of other gay and Lesbian Americans this legal right of marriage just because the gender of the two people is the same, choosing to share their bounty and their concerns for as long as they’re able, be it one year or hopefully a long lifetime? How is that any different from what opposite-gendered people choose to do?

To answer my own title, I think marriage is the ability of two responsible people committed to each other, with a seriousness of purpose, for as long as they are able to honestly maintain the relationship, with or without the imprimatur of religion.

At one time I was a proponent of going after the recognition of our gay/lesbian equality one right at a time. But at approximately 1,400 individual rights bestowed with a completed marriage license, there aren’t enough years for even Methuselah to see the success of the movement. I now see that only a dedicated federal lawsuit, such as the one being brought by Ted Olson and David Boies [], will give us the true definition of marriage we gay and Lesbian citizens need to live our lives with the choice so casually enjoyed by straights.

James Nimmo lives in Oklahoma City and is an occasional contributor to The Oklahoma Observer

Arnold Hamilton
Arnold Hamilton
Arnold Hamilton became editor of The Observer in September 2006. Previously, he served nearly two decades as the Dallas Morning News’ Oklahoma Bureau chief. He also covered government and politics for the San Jose Mercury News, the Dallas Times Herald, the Tulsa Tribune and the Oklahoma Journal.